How to Show Emotions the Right Way.

Suppose you wanted to show your character Alice feeling extreme fear. You want the reader to resonate with her emotion. You want the reader to feel for her. How would you go about it?

Method 1: Telling it as it is

"Alice was terrified. She ran into the alley." doesn't quite cut it. This gets the point across, but it doesn’t make the reader feel anything for the character. It’s classic telling.

Now, there’s nothing inherently wrong with telling. But if you want the reader to resonate with the emotion, you’re gonna have to do better.

Method 2: Showing the physical

Most writers show an emotion by showing the physical details of the emotion. You can show Alice’s rapid heartbeat and shaky hands. You can describe the knot in her throat and the feeling of being watched. You can tell us her panicked thoughts. Let’s see it in action:

Alice’s heart pounded. A lump sat in her throat. Wet streaks of tears decorated her pale cheeks. Her hands wouldn’t stop shaking, so she wiped them against her dress. “Go away,” she thought. "Please go away."

Is this an accurate depiction of fear? Yes!

Did the passage make you (the reader) feel Alice’s fear? Probably not. The passage only helped you understand that she’s afraid. You don’t feel it yourself, because it’s hard to empathize with only bodily reactions.

In fact, focusing too much on physical description turns your prose into a medical case report. Alice, female, 31, presenting with tachycardia, itchy throat, palmar hyperhidrosis, and tremors in the extremities.

Method 3: Showing the circumstances

So does this mean “show don’t tell” is bad advice?

No. It just means we’re not showing the right thing. Instead of only focusing on the physical characteristics of the emotion, try showing the circumstances that gave rise to the emotion.

Alice’s heart pounded as she cocooned herself in the lightless gap between the dumpster and the grimy brick wall. The man's heavy footsteps followed closely. He whistled. "Come out, I'm not gonna hurt you."

For a long time, she stayed absolutely still, praying that he did not see her. She was not crying anymore. She did not even dare to breathe.

See, now you resonate with her fear. This is because we can all imagine how it feels to be followed by a person who wants to hurt us. By describing the circumstances that gave rise to her fear, I helped you relate to her fear without resorting to a medical journal style recounting of her bodily reactions.

Today’s Writing Tip: When showing a character’s emotions, describe the circumstances that gave rise to the emotion. Sprinkle in physical descriptions for added effect.

Today’s Writing Assignment: Find a strong emotion in your past. Then, try to show it entirely using circumstances (without labelling it). Reply to this email with your description and your initials if you want a chance to be featured in the next email.

P.S. Ernest Hemingway was a big proponent of showing the circumstances that gives rise to emotions. Check out two of his quotes below.